I went back and forth, deciding whether or not I really wanted to talk about this, and then I remembered that when I started this journey for Release Queen, I wanted to be honest, transparent and real with my audience because I always felt like that was lacking in the music industry especially.
Last month I turned 38! And instead of being sad about that, I decided that I would be grateful because, after all, when I turned 30, I almost had a nervous breakdown.
That’s when I decided to change. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was cleaning my bathroom floor, and it was almost like an epiphany, a really bad, nightmare epiphany that if I didn’t change my life and the way I was, then I would never own a house, never reach any goals, and I would be an awful mum, one my kids could never count on.
So far, I have spent 8 years on my journey of self-improvement. So far, I have read or listened to over 80 books, half of which I have read at least twice. It’s been a topic I guess you could say that I have spent a lot of time “hyperfocusing” on, which I later came to realise that hyperfocus is a symptom of ADHD.
Most people diagnosed with ADHD can look back over their childhood and connect the dots with their newfound diagnosis of ADHD. It becomes difficult for people like me to do that because I lived an abusive childhood, which led to being unorganised and unable to focus. I never really had the opportunity to discover the links to ADHD in my childhood because of this.
Even though I was on this journey to improve myself, I still struggled. I am now able to keep a very tidy, organised home. I NEVER miss appointments, am reliable, and always meet deadlines. But it’s hard; it tires me out. I struggled with ADHD so severely that I have dedicated places for my keys, handbag, phone, clothes and anything else I use frequently. If I don’t put things back where they go, I lose them, like, every single time.
I have spent the last 2.5 years telling my doctor this, explaining that I feel flat. Not depressed, but emotionally just flat. I would cross off my goals and achieve amazing things, be happy for about 2 minutes, and be onto the next thing. My brain was moving so fast that I was not experiencing a quality of life.
After changing my diet, eating well, exercising, meditating and doing ALL of the “right” things, nothing changed. So one day, my doctor suggested that I be tested for ADHD. I couldn’t believe my ears! My daughter has ADHD, and even though it is known to be genetic, I was like, yeh umm I am not like that!
After doing some research, I have found that there are 7 different types of ADHD! 7!!! I’m pretty sure I have about 4 of those types!
It was a big thing to decide to try medication, but because I had already put in place everything to function well, I still had executive dysfunction. My body would ache when I was bored, which was ALL of the time. Medication helps with that. I am able to focus on the things I need to, rather than the things that interest me only.
ADHD can look very different for many people. Some struggle to survive, while others are Richard Branson, Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, John Lennon, Walt Disney, Mozart, Einstein, Edison, Leonardo Da Vinci, Winston Churchill, Steve Jobs, Magic Johnson and the list goes on!
To begin with, I wasn’t sure how to feel about this, but when I saw this list, it made me realise that I am successful BECAUSE of my ADHD, because of my ability to hyperfocus and my ability to look outside of the box and experience less fear when implementing new things… mainly because I don’t give myself enough time to process the fear.
I am an entrepreneur, and I always have been. For me, the idea of a 9-5 job with little flexibility scares me and plays havoc on my mental health.
I am excited to dive deeper into learning about ADHD and share my struggles with you, so you can see that no one really has it easy. We are all capable of anything we put our minds to.
I wouldn’t swap my brain for anything. It allows me to feel empathy and drives my want to help others.
Thank you for letting me share this with you!
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